lutang

ikaw.

2007-01-20T15:54:00.000-08:00

Unti-unti na tayong naglalayo

Madami na talaga ang nagbabago

Hindi naman kita pwedeng angkinin e

at sabi mo nga

We'll adjust na lang

Siguro namimiss lang kita

Ayokong dumating ang panahon na

Magkakilala na lang tayo

sino ka?!

2007-01-18T15:49:00.000-08:00

nakakainggit ang mga taong alam nila ang gusto nila sa buhay..

pano kaya nila nagagawa un?!....

nag-away kme nung nanay ko nung bday ko

umiyak ako, sabi ko sana pinabukas na lang, para naman di nasira ang araw ko.

1st time ko tumambay sa park, di ako nagtagal.. nagyosi lang

kinabukasan, ok na ko, di ko na bday e

tapos, kinwento ko ung nangyare saken

sabi niya, ok lang madami ka naman kaibigan

napaisip ako.

madami nga ba kong kaibigan

o madami lang akong kakilala

hmm..

kung marami akong kaibigan

bakit pakiramdam ko mag-isa lang ako non

ang lungkot

sana di na nauso ang bday

doormat.

2006-01-06T17:29:00.000-08:00

Could there be, actually, a compromise in love?
is it all about one giving way?
can this be answered by the "modern love"?
if so, then why still cry...

ching!

just to say...

2006-01-02T01:30:00.000-08:00

happy now?!

sheesh!

2005-12-21T16:34:00.000-08:00

shit!
i've been thinking of the same person for the past days now..
and i so hate it..
it was supposed to be just a joke..
now, i don't know if its still a joke for me...

fuck. this can't be happenin' not now...

he held my hand and made me smile...

what's wrong with me?

2005-11-27T21:08:00.000-08:00

awww...

feels like something is not right.. hmm..

wasted..

if u happen to know.. please tell me..

the moment of truth

2005-11-07T22:02:00.000-08:00

haay...

"i can see clearly now, the rain has gone.. i can see all the obstacles in my way..." woohoo!!!

m so hapi.. everything went well!!!

yipee... mej, nraramdamn ko na maari akong grumaduate ngaung semestre na ito., i mean, malaki ang chance! woohoo!!! maayos lng ang mga dapt ayusin. pero ok na. hapiness.. thank god! i also would like to thank my dad and my aunt.. alam ko, tinulungan nila ko.. kya hapi na ko. sobra...

nwei.. eto na ang simula, sana tuloy-tuloy ang ligaya.

sa kamasa.. sana mas maging aktibo tayong lahat! buhayin ang org..masaya nag maging kamasa! dito mo makikilala ang magiging kaibigan mo sa kolehiyo, sa kamasa ko nakilala ang mga taong iyon at hindi namin pinabayaan ang isa't-isa. hindi mawawala ang mga tampuhan, pagkairita sa mga miyembro, pero sa huki.. kayo pa rin ang mgkakasama. mahal ko kayo.. mahal ko ang mga batch mates ko. nde ako magsisisi jna naging KAMASA ako!

sa council ngaun, sana patotohanan naten ang mga pingako naten noong unang tapak naten sa konseho, at sa pag re-affirm ng mga pangakong ito nung assessment sa batangas. naniniwala ako na magagaling tayong lahat, malalandi lng talaga! hehe=) pero nde masama ang pagkakaroon ng pag-ibig, pero tulad ng lagi kong sinasabi, dapat itong maging inspirasyon sa pagtratrabaho..

sa laht ng kaibigan ko.. salamat. mahal ko kayo.

sa pamilya ko.. hehe=)

"They don't know that I come running home when I fall down, They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while, 'Coz deep inside this armor, The warrior is a child"

wehehe...

lutang

2005-11-06T21:21:00.000-08:00

balik UP na. eto na.

nde ko alm kung ano dapt kong maramdaman ngaun o isipin. natatakot ako para humarap sa katotohanan bukas.

hindi sapat ang ilang araw sa batangas at baguio para mabawasan o mas maging matatag ako sa katotohanan,. natatakot ako. pero kelngan harapin,,

tapos na ang ilang linggo ng pantasya.. balik na sa realidad.. kelngan na muling harapin na bilog ang mundo,. na hindi ito puro saya.. kasama sa buhay ang kasawian.

mahal kita.

cheesy...

2005-11-02T20:40:00.000-08:00

love my mom! so much!!!

CSSPSC 05-06

nung masaya pa kme.. haha=)

CSSPSC 04-05

astig!

wow! undergrad ng socio nung dept rep pa ko!

ciempre andyan ang orgmates ko! go UP KMS!

miss ko na din cla...

4! or 24

high school barkada. i sa miss them..

L-R: del,hene,me,cheng,dang,ren,doi.

miss ko na cla.

first time

2005-11-02T01:48:00.000-08:00

it was definitely my first time to actually spend the whole night in the cemetery and stay beside my fathers grave...well, honestly..it was just a thought, for when it started raining, like it was 3 in the morning, we then immeditely packed up and head home..hehe. and came back the next day.

with regards the preparation that we underwent, weeks ago, my mom was pushing us to look for a tent that we could use for the holy days and found out that renting was far more expensive than actually buying your own tent.. basically, we got ourselves our own tent. cool.

when we arrived at loyola cemetery, it was definitely jam packed with cars, conscessioners and people walking around visiting their loved ones. i was driving, so i got kind of knotty whether i'd be able to get a parking space fast or near my dad's grave..etc, or if i hit a car or a kid..im being neurotic, i was so tired.. that's why..no reason..tired of thinking.. haha=) well, got lucky with parking..hehe=) next thing i know, i was playing cards and watching dvd.. woohoo!!! after a long time! was able to watched sky high and deuce bigalow..hehe=)[thank you portable dvd players!]

last week i was in batangas for the council planning, arrived last friday. by saturday night i was back in batangas. hehe=) and now im off to baguio. cool..

a few days from now [hopefully] my last sem will be starting.

i'm still enjoying the break..

no more i love you...

2005-10-24T23:47:00.000-07:00

haha! wla lang, trip ko lang un. nwei, sabi no step wla na daw nag-uupdate. wla naman kseng masabi. ano pa ba ang dapat pag-usapan.

masaya ng inuman namen nila ton,pet at third. at gusto ko ng kalimutan ang mga pinagusapan.pero gusto ko maulit ang inuman,.,hihi=)

natatakot ako sa darating na sem.

ayoko na.

contingencies

2005-10-01T02:05:00.000-07:00

natawa ako sa kantang ito... parang iba... parang ang daming taong ganito ang nararamdaman...ako ba ganito na din.. puke. ano ba yan..

TUMATAKBO
laging bigo
laging sawi sa pag-ibig
may balat nga ba ako sa pwet?
mabuti pa ang tindera sa aming kanto
nakakainggit
tl..ang sweet nila ng kanyang nobyo
gusto ko lang maranasang umibig
tamaan ni kupido
gusto ko lang maranasan ang langit
tumibok muli ang puso ko

CHORUS:
Tumatakbo ang oras naiiwan na ako
ng panahon
Di na nagbago bawat araw
pare-pareho
parang kahapon

May birthday cake ka nga
ngunit wala namang kandila
may christmas tree na malupet
wala naman dekorasyong pansabit
sadyang ganyan ang aking buhay
walang kasing tamlay
ayoko sanang tumandang nag-iisa

(chorus)

tatanggapin na lang ba
ang malupit na tadhana
o kaya'y tatanggapin na lang
na ako'y sadyang hindi pinagpala
tigilan na ang drama
punasan na ang luha

(chorus)

-nde ko alam kung matutuwa ako dito... parang bigla akong napaisip.. haay..kelngan ko na ba talaga ng pag-ibig?!
-halos lahat ng kaibigan ko may kachuva.. buong college ko, wala akong sineryoso.. ayoko ng kahit na anong romantikong relasyon, kse nde pa ako handa.. ngaun kya..handa na ko?! pano ko ba malalaman? 1.masyado akong takot na masaktan, dahil dapat malakas ako..dahil un ang inaasahan ng mga tao sa ken! ang gago ko naman pala. sbi nga ni mam marcia kanina sa class ayon sa mga feminsits at may isa pa, nakalimutan ko na..their strengths are sometimes their weakness and sometimes weaknesses becomes strengths... kayo na mag-interpret nyan.. san nagets nyo kung pano ko i-relate sa sarili ko. 2. maling mga tao ang nagugustuhan ko..mas lalo na sa isang taong ilang buwan din nayanig ang mundo ko..[past] 3. ano ba kse hanap ko? hehe=) babae ba o lalake?! joke! ideal man: mas matanda saken, hello! 21 na ko. marunong mag-gitara, sana nde fratman, marunong kumanta..[marunong lang, nde kelangan magaling], game sa lahat [kyang sakyan ang mga kalokohan ko], may angas![yung napapatahimik ako..=)], may pangarap sa buhay.[as of now, gusto ko makapangasawa ng abogado..kung bakit.. ewan ko..naisip ko lang bigla na gusto ko]...pero eto ang catch, halos lahat ng nagugustuhan ko.. kamusta naman, mas bata saken at fratman! kung bakit ayoko ng fratman.. stereotypes..i know its wrong but its part of my habitus.. walang pakialamanan...leche. at yung iba, wala pang pangarap sa buhay, ung iba naman, nasobrahan sa angas, ung iba naman boring ang buhay, at higit sa lahat ung iba.. taken na! pucha. tho, sabi nga naman, mas madaling hulihin ang manok pagnakatali! astig diba.. oo nga naman, totoo..hehe=) pero ayoko, masama un...
should i be sad?! nah,,, m hapi wid my family, friends and crushes..hehe=) [uyy,,,nagrarationalize na ko..convincing myself! cge.. inu-ulol ko sarili ko!] gusto ko ung kilig, ung natatameme ako at sabrang tumitiklop. [blush] nakakagago lang nung nabasa ko ung lyrics nito.. parang,bigla-biglang..kelngan ko na bang isipin ang pag-ibig.. pero sabi ko nga.. nag-aantay lang naman ako... sana kse diba.. open na nga ako sa idea na mas bata saken e.. kya game! now na! hehe=)

listen

2005-09-28T03:42:00.000-07:00

putang ina. nadapa ako sa harap ng gayuma, ang pangit. walang kaglamor-glamor ang pagkadapa.leche.

3 days to go and the 1st of my [hopefully] last year sems will be ending. I don’t know but I am actually feeling sad that I’ll be leaving school soon. While I was watching the kamasa big brother and saw the pictures taken months, years ago, I actually began to feel sad--sad that I will soon be leaving the org.

i am not choosy with regards to friends and i surely treat each one of them as family. I was definitely hurt when Ewa and i had a squabble over adonis, i was hurt for the main reason that his love for adonis preceded the friendship that we had. He basically did not trust me when i said that i wasn't feeling anything romantic for adonis--we are good friends and thats it. I just never thought of this happening. Wow! things you do for love...fuck`em!

kla and cielo are bestfriends. cielo wants the best for kla,and cielo thinks that kla is too good for patrick, but kla loves patrick,patrick and cielo never gets along, ergo, the two are not bestfriends anymore.
Cielo:mas nasasaktan ako, pagnasasaktan ang kaibigan ko. [astig diba!] brought by my vulnerable emotions with regards to leaving UP, org, friends, i felt sad about what happened to them. It was that fast that they treated each other as sisters, as bestfriends and it was also that fast that they chose/decided to live on separate ways.there were a lot of reasons,as far as i know it was because of differences in personalities, misunderstandings and patrick. I could not blame cielo if she did get hurt when kla chose patrick over her, man it should have really hurt. i mean the same way i felt when i was confronted by ewa just because of adonis. not that adonis is nothing to me, its just that for me there was no issue at all. i don't think its because kla does not give importance to cielo, i presume she has other reasons on why it was patrick over cielo, and whatever those reasons were i'll leave it to her[actually i dont know, im not kla...wehehe]. i'm not expecting that they'll be back together calling each other sisters/bestfriends again, i just want them to be ok. but for this to happen, one needs to give in, who will? hmm.. just like ycoy and sha, there was only a little hope of them being friends again, both doesn't want to give in at first, but obviously one did that's why they're ok now. for kla and cielo, lets wait and see..

segurista daw ako sabi ni toff.. siguro nga.. i like him. yes. but he doesn't make me feel assured, i don't know what kind of assurance i am looking for, but there still something that is pulling me away from him. when i'm with this guy[lets call him b2] i get uneasy and i keep on thinking about the other guy[lets call him past]--i know and accepted that there are things that can never be. i'm afraid of the changes that will happen between me and past[friendship] if i chose to be with b2. i'm afraid that i might lose him. i'm afraid to know that its not b2 that i want. no guarantees that he will not make you cry or he is the one, but he might be--from ton.

the problem with modern love is that you can't clearly identify where you are in this situation and so you do not know what to do next. yes, it does lessen the constraints of how society constructed love but it leaves you either hanging or dormant onto what you want to believe in.

i need a new life..
no more nightmares pls...
i still wanna be with you..

Thank God August is over!

2005-09-04T21:30:00.000-07:00

August was definitely not good to me...it was a hell month for me!

lets start from the last! the culmination of all!

*when i got busted in edsa: swerving. haha=) certified drama queen! haha=)

*haven't watched sky high, i really wanna watch it, i don't know why. i invited some friends to watch it with me, that we never did, that they eventually did watch, without me. haha! how cruel was that. kidding!=) pls can someone watch it with me?! most of my friends have already watched it.=(

*fuck PE.

*got problems with my RRL. working it out..

*the thing with the anthro report..got over it.

*our love problem*wink*

*car got busted without me knowing.

*the endless quarrel between me and my mom..not so new.

*why can't we just accept things the way they are now..

*lost my card

*supervisors...doormats...somewhere in between...

*thinking that everything is all about you

*its not that i don't trust you, its me that i don't trust.

*ugat festival*happy thought*

*were okay..i think..

*broke my shoes twice in a public place! 1st in libis, 2nd in araneta.

*cried in public(libis)

*why do you have to be so wonderful..

*super stressed, pressured and fucked up.

*missed you.

well..there are a lot of things that happened, m just glad that there were individuals who apparently made me smile, amidst everything that was happening.

its nice to think, that im being loved by these individuals. (assumera!)

almost perfect

2005-08-27T02:57:00.000-07:00

napapagod na ko...
tama na, ayoko na..
iba naman ang mangarag...
wag tayong maging manhid..
masaya ka, nakikita ko..kaya masaya na din ako don..
gusto kong samahan mo ako.pero, paano mo ko sasamahan, kung ibang tao ang kasama mo..
labo mo.
ano ba talaga tau?! siya ang mahalin mo..wag ako..
magkaibigan tayo..at hanggang don na lang un..
ang gulo ng mundo ko ngaun..di ko na alam kung ano dapat isipin..
namimiss ko ang tatay ko..ung bang sa ganitong panahon, yayakap ka na lang sa kanya at iiyak..
mahal ko ang pamilya ko, ayaw ko sila madisappoint saken, mas lalo na nanay ko..
sana maintndhan niyo ko..

the one

2005-08-17T00:10:00.000-07:00

Intimacy, passion and commitment

The triangular theory of love characterizes love in an interpersonal relationship on three different scales: intimacy, passion and commitment. It was developed by Robert Sternberg. Different stages and types of love can be explained as different combinations of the three elements, intimacy, passion and commitment. Sternberg states that a relationship based on a single element is less likely to survive than one based on two or more.

Combinations of intimacy, passion, and commitment
Liking or Friendship –intimacy
Infatuation or Limerence- passion
Empty Love- Commitment
Romantic love- intimacy and passion
Companionate love- intimacy and commitment
Fatuous love(whirlwind romance)- passion and commitment
Consummate love- intimacy, passion and commitment

Liking includes only one of the love components - intimacy. In this case, liking is not used in a trivial sense. Sternberg says that this intimate liking characterizes true friendships, in which a person feels a bondedness, a warmth, and a closeness with another but not intense passion or long-term commitment.
Infatuated love consists solely of passion and is often what is felt as "love at first sight." But without the intimacy and the commitment
components of love, infatuated love may disappear suddenly.
Empty love consists of the commitment component without intimacy or passion. Sometimes, astronger love deteriorates into empty love, in which the commitment remains, but the intimacy and passion have died. In cultures in which arranged marriages are
common, relationships often begin as empty love.
Romantic love is a combination of intimacy and passion. Romantic lovers are bonded emotionally (as in liking) and physically through passionate arousal.
Companionate love consists of intimacy and commitment. This type of love is often found in marriages in which the passion has gone out of the relationship, but a deep affection and commitment remain.
Fatuous love has the passion and the commitment components but not the intimacy component. This type of love can be exemplified by a whirlwind courtship and marriage in which a commitment is motivated largely by passion, without the stabilizing influence of intimacy.
Consummate love is the only type of love that includes all three components--intimacy, passion and commitment. Consummate love is the most complete form of love, and it represents the ideal love relationship for which many people strive but which apparently few achieve. Sternberg cautions that maintaining a consummate love may be even harder than achieving it. He stresses the importance of translating the components of love into action. "Without expression," he warns, "even the greatest of loves can die" (1987, p.341).

But the question remains as to does it really needs to be found or shared with only one person? I quote these following people on how they viewed such matter:

Viktor: what if you are able to experience those three in different groups and individuals? Can’t this be enough? Do you really need to get it from one specific person?
Ton: The problem with the first argument is that, resources are being maximized, in such a way that you attend to the needs of all these groups/individuals, specifically with regards to attention; it is being divided among these individuals.
Ycoy: it’s not a concept of “need” rather its “wanting” someone in your life.

tuloy ko ung analysis..sa susunod..

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Companionate_love

nasan na?!

2005-08-14T22:04:00.000-07:00

haay..nasan ka ba kse?!
kala ko nahanap ko na siya.. di pla..
kala ko cia na ung taong magpapagalaw ng mundo ko..mali pla..

oh well, ganon tlga.. pero salamat, nakilala kita.. bka sa muli nating pagtatagpo, totohanan na..
nde ata pde ngaun, masyadong magulo at magkaiba tau..

sayang.

expectations

2005-08-11T22:41:00.000-07:00

There's nothing wrong when people starts expecting things from you, in a way it is kind of flattering for they somehow recognize your capabalities of getting things done. But looking at the other side , sometimes it becomes irritating and in some cases, frustrating. In a committment like joining a student council, acquiring a position basically means having more responsibilities, and that a lot of people believes in your leadership as justified by the mandate and what you can do for the college or for the department. In five months time, I somehow believe that I already or somehow knew the people I'm working with, but I guess I was wrong...

Burnout.stressed.pressured.fuck u!

Honestly, what hurts me is that I did expect from this people and just like that, they’ll leave you hanging.
I just thought that what we all had in this, is beyond being council mates, i thought it was friendship. well, i guess i was wrong...

Damn!

I’m over it.

perfect day

2005-08-04T21:30:00.000-07:00

ano bang meron sa araw na ito.. sbrang ang lungkot ko. di ko din maintindihan, sbrang dami kong kelangan gawin as in, ang dami ng exams at deadlines at pucha wala akong nkktang progress sa buhay ko! kaleche talaga. feeling ko nde ako naging productive ngayong araw na ito, wala akong ginawa, nagbantay ng booth, nkpagkwentuhan un lang, at inisip kung paano ko gagawin lahat ng kelangan kong gawin,.

wala din nagawa ang pag-ibig.. wala tlga..

nalulungkot ako sa nangyayari sa org, ayokong mawala ang tiwala nila kay nanay, kaya pilit ko ciang kinakausap,,. (nde ito para mapasama ang sitwasyon) pero un nga, honestly, nde ko rin tlga naisip, dahil nung mga panahong un, sbrang bc din ako at nde ko nabigyang pansin, hanggang sa may taong nagbanggit sa akin, at doon ko lang narealize na nde nga ata maganda ang dating non,.

sbrang nainis ako kay cristy nung isang gabi, ciempre dahil sinaktan niya si teddy, dahil nabara siya, pero kse naman, nde naman cia masasaktan kung nde cia ganon.

ano bang mas magandang maging topic for thesis:

virtual communities: women in cybergames
social capitaln in virtual communities

wahehe.. parang walang sense ung entry ko..

miss kita.

attachments

2005-08-01T03:56:00.000-07:00

Sabi ni charl kanina, “mahirap pag-inaaraw-araw ka niya, tapos bigla ka niya iiwan, attached ka na kse sa kanya..” sabi ko naman, sex lang yan! Haha=)

Operational Definition: Inaaraw-araw
tinetext ka niya parati, tinatawagan, hinahatid-sundo…pinaparamdam sau na gusto ka niya..(tho, assuming ka din! Haha=>)

Thinking about it pano ba masasabi na attach ka na sa isang tao? Is it about companionship? May levels ba ang attachments?

Sa sex, paggnawa mo un, and wala kayong romantic relationship, tamang magkaibigan lang magkakaron na ba ng attachment don? Diba may studies na kya ganon, dahil may sinisecrete ung katawan na certain hormone-oxytocin na lumalabas when you reach orgasm and that hormone is meant for bonding, meaning attachment.

ox·y·to·cin n
a hormone released by the pituitary gland that stimulates contractions of the womb during childbirth and triggers the secretion of milk from the breast during nursing.
Encarta® World English Dictionary © 1999 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved. Developed for Microsoft by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc.

Hindi ba ang unfair nito?! So babae lang talga ung prone ma-attach pagkatapos ng sex?! Kaya ba mas kaswal sa lalaki ang sex? babaw diba!

Tinatamad ako magresearch! Haha=) so kung mabasa niyo ito, sagutin niyo naman.

Going back kay charl, alam naman kse niya na may gf ung tao, pero dahil nga sa “pag-aaraw-araw nung lalake naatach na siya…o bka nagsex na sila! Hmm… or pwede din na pinagseselos lang niya si ______ kya ganon?! Hmm… “d daw nagwork” sabi ni charl. Ibig sabihin ba nito, isa sa mga rason un?, take note! Sabi ko ISA, bka may magreact! O dahil naibigay nung lalake ung attensyon na gusto niya makuha?!

Sabi ni toff, sadista daw ung lalake at siya ang masokista, therefore nagcompliment sila., hehe=)

happiness....

2005-07-28T22:32:00.000-07:00

yehey... ako ung nasa left.. di ko syota yan! ate ko yan!=) wala lang im so hapi!!!!=)

distorted

2005-07-28T01:31:00.000-07:00

salamat step! mahal kita!!! haha=)

nwei, my day definitely started bad..fuck talaga! tho, im kinda okei na, for I can say that it somehow ended up well.. or maybe I’m just convincing myself to believe it so.. just being cynical... hehe. i'm totally fucked up.. Confused, stressed, pressured, frustrated and scared with the many things I need to attend to, my acads, council work, friends, family and damn-Lovelife! leche tlga. On the contrary, im just glad that there are people, individuals who somehow make me smile, without exerting too much effort..haha=) you know who you are, I just hope you’re able to read this entry. With that I Thank You!

I want to graduate next semester, I want to finish college and truly engage with the challenges of the real world, as they say, cliché as it may sound, but it’s for real; and primarily to be able to give credit to my parents and to myself. (shucks!)

What the heck! I’m just trying to induce myself with this stuff…but the truth is, I don’t know what I want… =( Fuck!

Wala lang.. gusto ko lang sabihin un.. blog ko naman to diba.. wla ng pakialamanan…

ano na ba tlga..

2005-07-28T00:57:00.000-07:00

july 21

di kita maintindihan... alam kong nararamdaman mo naman... ano ba talaga gusto mo.. sabihin mo lang naman e.. paramdam mo lang naman... nagaantay lang ako sayo... basahin mo lang laman nito.. alam mo na ikaw na un..

Blinded

2005-07-28T00:56:00.000-07:00

july 20

"king, ikaw un.."
una. blinded daw kse ko. all the while, niloloko ko si toff na blinded cia.. tho, cia naman nagsabi non..,tapos ngaun bglang binalik saken..blinded daw ako, kse di ko napapansin ang ibng tao..at kung paano sila makitungo saken, dahil nakatingin lang daw ako sa iisang tao. kaloka.
pangalwa. blinded ako, dahil nabubuhay ako sa konsepto ko ng pagkakaibigan, na sa relasyong ito, mayroong mutual na pagkakaintindihan, na kahit anong mangyari, magkaibigan kayo, iintindhin at rerespetuhin ang posisyon ng bawat isa. na kung sakali mang magkaiba, dahil magkaibigan kau iintindhin mo..pero hindi nga kse ganon. bakit ba hndi mahwalay ang personal sa pulitikal. ideal, na dapat silang paghiwalayin, pero sa realidad mahirap. ang daming nawala, naputol, nasirang relasyon dahil sa pulitika. prinsipyo nga ba ang dahilan? pagibig ba? ang daming nangyari, kung iisipin ko uli lahat un, maiiyak at malulungkot lang ako. oo napapagod at nahihirapan ako ngaun, pero paninindigan ko, pinili ko to e.
pangatlo. blinded ako dahil naniniwala ako sa bagay na ito na pag nanatili ako sa isang mataas na lugar, kung saan nakikita ko ang lahat..makakahanap ako ng katahimikan, walang nanggugulo...ung pde kang umiyak ng malakas, ung humahagulgol ka na..ngawa kung ngawa.. o kaya pde kang sumigaw, at ilabas lahat ng galit sa mundo..o kaya pde kong matulog lang..
antipolo.
unang akyat..masaya..pa-madaling araw na un.. pagbaba namen.. sabi ko sa sarili ko, iiwan ko lahat ng galit at sama ng loob ko don, bababa ako ng nakangiti..pinagbigyan ako.. ilang araw.. tapos, nalungkot na ko uli..
pangalawang akyat.. masaya, marami..pagod.
pangapat. mahal ko ang pamilya ko. blinded ba ako, pag sinabi kong naniniwala aking mahal din nila ko...wahehe=)
kung iisipin, grabe ang pagpasok ng taon na ito sa buhay ko.. sinubok ako non bilang dept rep, sa acads, sa pamilya at sa pagkakaibigan..(oo nga pala, miss na kita, sana nababasa mo to ngaun) lahat ng aspeto ng buhay ko, hinamon ako ng tadhana, sunod-sunod, buwan-buwan..ano pa bang kulang.. pag-ibig... ayoko na magkomento.
hinahanap ko ang katahimikan..
samahan mo naman ako...punta tayo sa mataas na lugar..kwentuhan lang tayo..

bakit ba puro pag-ibig?!

2005-07-28T00:54:00.000-07:00

july 18

nakakatuwa pala ito...ngaun ko lang kse naappreciate...nung time na halos lahat ng kaibigan ko meron ng blog., sabi ko di ko to papatulan..pero ano na ngaun.. eto.. nagsusulat na ko ng walang sawa.
salamat sa mga kaibigan ko na nagtxt sken para sumagot sa una kong post.. haha=)
kanina bago mag-GA nasa katipunan kme ni ton., naguusap kme tungkol sa pag-ibig..(ano pa ba ang dapat pag-usapan diba..?!) malungkot akong pumunta sa skul, dami ko kse iniisip, bkit nga naman kse nde ko na lang isipin ang nota 24/7..masaya daw un!(mula kay ton) naloka ako ciempre..
nwei, sinabi ko lahat ng gumugulo saken,.nde ko kse maintindhan..bakit ko ba kse siya nagustuhan.. meron kseng kakaiba sa kanya..kung iisipin, sa sinet ko na standard..(ciempre di ko lalagay dito..) wala.. nde cia ang matitipuhan ko.. pero ayon..iba cia..napapatahimik niya ko. un lng.
sabi ni charl, nagmamahal ka ng hindi umaasa na balikan niya ung pagmamahal mo, tama! pero ayoko ng dumating sa point na aasa ako... dahil, simula pa lang ayoko na.. dahil ayokong masaktan, natatakot ako. segurista daw ako.. oo na hindi, oo dahil, gusto ko maramdaman muna kung ano ba ko sa kanya..hindi, dahil naniniwala naman ako na kaakibat ng pagmamahal ang sakit..labo.
walang kwenta sken ang text.. kahit ano naman pwde mo i-text diba.. mas gusto ko ung biglaan.. ung harapan niyang sasabihin sau.. ung pagkasabi niya biglang hihinto ung mundo ninyong dalawa, tapos di mo alam kung ano sasabihin mo. aamin ka na din ba.. o magpapakipot pa! ang corny diba.
nasa off the grill uli kme knina, ako si ton, ewa at pet. kumain lang kme.. tapos tinugtog ung "crazy for you" dati sanay ako na pagkinakanta un isa lang ang papasok sa isip ko (si chuva) pero ngaun iba.. cia ang naisip ko, at nainis ako. ang labo diba! pero totoo.. naiinis ako kse bakit cia ung naisip ko.. nde tama.. nde rin mali.. pero ayoko.
hirap kse, dami nagkakagusto sa kanya.. ayoko ng ganon..
pucha! walang ibang laman to kundi pag-ibig! kainis...
btw, nawawala pa ung ate ko.. nde namen alam kung nasan siya,,, pero sabi ko nga, babalik un,. dahil nandito ung pinakamamahal niyang laptop (G4 ibook!) naiinis din ako sa sarili ko dahil, may nararamdaman akong pagkapikon sa nanay ko, alam ko, eto dapat ung punto kung saan iniintindi ko siya, pero nde, naiinis lang talaga ko..
sana bukas.. masaya naman ako...

labo ko.

2005-07-27T09:47:00.000-07:00

(mula sa friendster blog ko..) d2 na lang..

hindi ko alam kung ano ang nagtulak saken para gumawa ng ganito., dahil siguro nagaway-away nanaman kami dito sa bahay, at kailngan kong ilabas ung nararamdaman ko. minsan iniisip ko, masyado kseng magagaling ang mga kapatid ko, kaya nde mo sila pdeng matalo.
sandali, hindi ako ang nagsimula ng away..."wala naman akong karapatan...dahil wala pa akong ipagmamalaki.." ayos. lahat sila "technically" tapos na at kumikita na., ako na lang ang nag-aaral..."obligasyon" pa raw ako... sa gitna ng away.. si kuya na ang nagmaneho..nagbasa na lang ako ng harry potter book 6, hnggang sa nde ko na napigil ang aking sarili.. at sinabi ko sa nanay ko.. "ma, nde lang naman siya ang anak mo e.." (iyak) dramahan kung dramahan tlga.. yoko na kwento ng buo..
kabadtrip.kapuke.leche.
sa gitna ng lahat ng ito, tinext ko si ton... "ei, pasiyahin mo naman ako...=(" nagreply naman siya, at napangiti naman niya ko kahit papaano.. pinagulo lng niya isip ko. nabaling na ang atensyon ko, nakalimutan ko na na nagaaway-away kme sa pamilya... napunta nanaman ako sa ibang dimensyon.. puro pag-ibig nanaman.. kse ayaw saguting ang tanong ko e.. "mahal mo na?!"
sabay text din ni kakay.. hahaha=) ayaw niyang ma-inluv pero di niya alam kung pano ito pipigilan..kung pde lang pigilan e di sana tahimik ang buhay nating lahat.
tapos tinanong ko si kakay, pano mo nasabi na mahal mo na?! kakay:it's lyk, wat is this im feeling i just can't exlain. b4 wen my friends wud ask wats wid me and _____ i'd tel them, crush ko.Now, ask me, i won't answer, coz i cant explain the feeling i have for this guy. Songs that he sang keep playing on my head, his expressions i keep on seeing in my eyes, then i suddenly notice, i am smiling. When feelings go inevitable, thats how i knw wen i love d person. (sorry kay, need to post this.. natuwa ako e..)
after reading this text, naisip ko bigla ung sarili ko.. i kept on askin people kung mahal na niya? tapos pag-OO itatanong ko, kung pano niya nalaman na mahal na niya... kung pagbabasehan ko itong sagot ni kakay..mahal ko nga siguro. pero, ciempre nde naman ako magpapakahulog sa pag-ibig ng ganon lang.. kaya nde ko pa aaminin sa sarili ko..labo diba...
natatakot ang magmahal uli, dahil ayoko ng masaktan..kaya lagi na lang akong nagpaparya... sa kaibigan, ng nalaman ko na iisa lang ang mahal namen ng kaibigan ko, sinabi ko sa sarili ko na magpaparaya ako dahil alam kong mas mamahalin niya un higit sa pagmamahal na kaya kong ibigay..tanga!ciempre nde ko naman malalaman kung ano ang kya niyang ibigay at di ko kayang ibigay diba.. pero para makaiwas lang...ngayon, eto nanaman...gusto ko siya (GUSTO LANG!) pero gusto rin siya ng maraming tao, at pagpinakinggan mo sila, parang kaya na nilang ibigay ang buhay nila... (ok lng sila?!) well, kung ganon ang labanan nde ko kyang ibigay un.. dahil sa puntong ito, sa pamilya ko lang kaya kong ibigay ang buhay ko. kaya sige, sa kanila na siya... malungkot, pero ewan..
sabi nila, "like ka rin niya..yihee" lol! wag tayo magbolahan, "we are gud friends"..
dami ko gusto ilagay, pero d na.. mamya na lang..
anlabo noh.. unang post pa lang.. la ng sense..saya nito...

kaleche

2005-07-17T21:03:00.000-07:00

ano ba!